No one wants to seem stuck-up, shallow, or high and mighty, but in the words of my Aunt Kathy:
“Girl, all you gone get is a crook in your back if you keep bending over picking niggas up!” BAM!
My aunt saw something in me that I failed to see in myself. She saw the insecurities, brokenness, and desire to be needed. Perhaps, she saw a bit of herself and other women that she’s encountered. Perhaps, she was simply doing her best at saving me from the habits that lead to regret. I don’t know why she said it…but her message was clear:
Dana, YOU CAN DO BETTER!
Yet, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was doing much better than those women who didn’t stick through the ‘bad’ times or ‘hold it down.’ I thought I was being a loyal, down-ass-ride-or-die chick. I even thought I was worthy of such a ridiculous title. Until I came to understand a truth→ →
You’re ass is gonna die trying to ride AND being a ‘down ass chick’ ain’t gonna do shit but keep your ass down!
Nobody is giving out rewards to the woman who lost herself trying to stand by a man that she didn’t need to be with in the first damn place. If he contributes to you thinking small, dreaming small, and feeling small; then, you better believe he contributes to you looking small. If you’re tired of dimming your light, then let’s shine!
But, first things first…we must address the problem. Here goes:
YOU are the problem. Yes, I am the problem. And, WE are the problem! Somewhere along this road called life we became detached from our true worth. Unfortunately, we have been devalued by so many unwanted and unwarranted circumstances that we have relinquished our control to loving who our Creator says we are. If I assessed a value of 10 points to each of the following situations on a 100 point scale, how much of you would be left?
1. I have been molested and/or raped.
2. I have been abandoned or neglected by my father/mother.
3. I have been in a physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive relationship.
4. I have been cheated on or deceived by someone I trusted.
5. I have been called ugly, skinny, fat or stupid.
Have you lost half of yourself yet? Many of us have been damaged. However, YOU, I, WE are not ruined! Truthfully, we can use the above situations to either deduct from or add to our greatness. But, as they say in Slam Poetry, “the points are not the point.” The point is that many of us are so disconnected from who we really are that any John Doe can define us according to what best suits his needs. It’s time out for that shit.
Solution: Take the time to seek the healing you need to restore yourself. This is not about being perfect, it’s about being whole. A whole woman has flaws and all. But, she is aware of her shortcomings—so much so, that she wouldn’t dare waste time with a man that makes her look inches shorter than she already feels. Instead, she looks for a ‘platform man.’ One that puts a little leverage under her feet—you know–adds a few inches. This kind of man isn’t looking to hurt, use, and abuse you—he’s looking to elevate and enhance you. He wants to lift you up, not tear you down. He wants to fly high with you. So, this man will request that you check-in and not carry-on your baggage.
So, if he is asking you to fill too many voids in his life with I need, I want, can you, I don’t, will you –pick up the check, pay the bills, sex me on demand, drop me off, rub my head, teach me how to wipe my ass, etc.—girl, puhhlease. Especially, if he never has been nor will be in a position to reciprocate. Quit playin’….you know he ain’t shit.
These are your official instructions for Operation Move On…MOVE ON!